the Idiots Hall of Fame!
Meet our lineup of idiots. Many of these nincompoops aren't idiots all the time, but they've done something incredibly stupid, embarassing, or have been quite successful at eliciting "duhhhhhh" from a number of folks.
Enter the Idiots Contest Today!
These are the latest entries into the Idiots Hall of Fame. I've actually had people write in and say they think we make these things up. Nope. These are bonafide idiots .. in the flesh .. the real thing.
Here's
one from Ronald - name withheld to protect him from Bride.
My new bride was not much of a cook but it is one of my favorite hobbies,
so I have a fully stocked kitchen which my wife used to prepare cold cereal
or cook Kraft-Mac-and-Cheese. She called me at the office one day nearly
in tears. She was going to surprise me by cooking a meal. After all she
was a college graduate and how tough can it be to follow a cook book.
Well she had chopped the onions, sliced the mushrooms, put them in the
pan with the butter, and spent the rest of the afternoon looking for one
particular spice the recipe called for. Positive I had it in the kitchen
she finally called me, spoiling the surprise. I told her don’t worry,
just read me instructions. The recipe said “in a pan, place butter,
onions, mushrooms and sauté.” She just wanted to know where
I kept the sauté!
Jean's
Daughter - soon to be on FoodNetwork Stars:
My daughter
was trying to cook herself a poached egg. She asked me how to do it and
I just told her to place a little but of butter on the poacher and place
it 0n the boiling water then to put the egg on the butter. About 10 minutes
later she asked me how long she needed to cook it for. I realized it had
been a while since she had asked, so I said, "let me see". When
she removed the lid off the poacher, there was the egg. Still in the shell.
I guess I needed to tell her to crack the egg onto the butter.
Jay
learns about Velcro!
Our class was doing a project on how the internet can lying. We were give
a series of websites that were either truthful or full of nonsense. Our
job was to identify which ones were true or not. I have never considered
myself to be a idiot or blonde but on this day I must have been feeling
really stupid because I pulled up an internet site on how they grow Velcro.
I started reading about how they had to separate the hooks and the loops
so it wouldn't form a huge mass of tangled Velcro. They also talked about
the special growing procedures and watering routine. And all this time
I sat there thinking "Wow, this is so cool I had no idea this is
where Velcro came from."
Brittney's
Story of Stupidity
One time I was testing
the chlorine leven in my pool and I thought 'Wow, it sure smells like
there's a lot of chlorene in here.' Then I had an idea. 'I wonder if it
smells the same underwater.' So I got my snorkel and went under. Then
I inhaled deeply through my nose and realized underwater..... Let's just
say my boyfriend tests the chlorene levels in the pool now.....
In search of Ulans?
My daughter recently
insisted that I buy her a product named "Oil Of Ulan" to apply
to her face. Apparently it makes your skin nice and soft. When I saw the
price I couldn't believe it. This stuff is dear! So I thought to myself
"just make it yourself!" Easier said than done. I have looked
everywhere without success. Nobody sells "Ulans". Not the supermarkets,
greengrocers or anywhere else I looked. In fact, most people don't even
know that "Ulans" exist. Even Google can't find one for me.
What is even more concerning is the lack of literature on how you actually
extract the oil? I sent a letter to the company with my queery but unfortunately
they refuse to respond. Maybe they are concerned that I have discovered
their little secret. If anybody knows where I can get a "Ulan"
from, let ME know so I can start making my own oil. Thanks
Webmaster's
note: If anybody out there knows where to get a herd of Naugas, let us
know too. We've been wanting to recover the recliner ... duhhhh ...
Shay the Idiot:
When
I was little, my hand was always bandaged because I had developed some
sort of mental block about not shutting my hand in doors. I obviously
haven’t learned anything; my favorite way of closing doors is to
stick my hand in the crack and push on it- I usually can’t get my
hand out quick enough. Also…In school, my friend was bored so she
was poking (or more appropriately, stabbing) me in the leg with her pencil
(and yes, it was sharp). So, I decided to put my hand between the pencil
and my leg. I should probably mention that at that time, there were two
painful, sore cuts on the back of my hand. Surprise, surprise….she
ended up stabbing my cut. I’m
not going to put a name, because I can never figure out what to call myself.
We weren't sure what this meant, so we
wrote Shay to clarify exactly what she was doing. If you're an idiot ..
don't try this at home. Stand in front of a door which opens out. Look
to your left. You'll see a space between the door jamb and the door. Yep,
that's where good ol' Shay is putting her hand. Idiot! :-)
The Coka-Idiot
my friend got a soda out of a vending machine one dat at school. man, i thought she was already stupider than stupid, but this showed me she can go beyond that. it was one of the Coca-Cola bottles with a contest under the cap. she opened the cap to see if she had won, and of course, she didn't. the cap said "drink coke, play again", so she took a drink of her soda, put the lid on, and reopened it. it still said "drink coke, play again". she did that until the soda was gone. she went back to the vending machine and got another soda. once again, the cap said "drink coke, play again". she repeated what she did with the other soda bottle until she was out of soda. by the time she was on her fourth soda, she decided to give up. she got another brand of soda from a different vending machine on campus. it turns out that the soda she selected had a game cap also. she would look at the cap, drink some soda, screw the cap back on, and start all over again. when she was almost done with that soda, she decided to continue her "game" in a few minutes, so she put down her soda. when she wasn't looking, i switched our soda caps (mine didn't have any writing on it) when she decided to continue, she picked up the soda and opened the cap. she was shocked when it didn't say anything. she called the company and complained that the writing on her cap disappeared the woman that she talked to just laughed when my friend told her the story of how she thought the writing disappeared (including how many times she had played the game). Now, my friend doesn't trust soda from vending machines, and she refuses to drink Coca-Cola.
Tommy's a Dununance
My wife, in an attempt to humiliate me told me to make a dunce cap and put it on my head. It took me two hours to roll the posterboard, tape it together and make sure it fit my head. When my wife came back into the room she burst out laughing, saying. "This proves it! You really are stupid!" I had a puzzled llok on my face and she said. "Take the hat off and look at it you idiot!" I pulled the hat off and looked, she noticed my confusion and said. "That is not how you spell 'dunce'... moron!" I had spelled it 'dununance'.
She's right... I am an idiot.
Tommy -
Here's one from Chris M:
"i was in the kitchen and i was baking a cake it said put in egg whites and i did so when the cake came out of the oven it was burnt. my mom said that the whites were the clear part not the shell duhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!"
now .. What do you think troops? Was that for real? Could anyone be that stupid? We think Chris made that up ...
Here's Brock's Idiotic tale:
Ummm lets see................ start out when i was about 16 in my first truck I was riding and my brother was driving. We were going along and my brother decides to turn the air on so we roll up the windows and set back........well after about two minutes I had forgot about the window being up and proceeded to spit the biggest wad of spit that I could muster up on my new truck window ........... well that made me feel stupid but I really didn't call myself an idiot till about a year later when this happen ........ I went into a packed 7/11 one day to pay for gas and when I got back out I couldn't get the door to open. well I didn't think much of it just that my door handle had somehow broke..... so for a couple of days I had to crawl through the passenger side door making a total fool of this 6'3 270 kid with a broken door handle. Well one day my brother ask to borrow my truck to do some running and I told him about how he would have to crawl through the passengers door just to get in , he said ok and off he went ...... he came back within and hour and when he walked in he said " hey brock I fixed your truck". I was like no way how did you do it? He proceeded to throwing my keys in my lap and saying I unlocked it you idiot. and that my friends is why I should get the idiots award.
eum ... he's 6'3" 270 pounds and he spits.. who am I to argue ..
Here's one from Magrat:
We had a quiz in science and we were answering all the questions with stupid stuff and I said the moon and it was actually right. At least I think it was me that did that. Also when I was using an exersise machine and showing off with no hands I fell off on my butt. Then I went to mcdonalds and when I got to the front of the line I forgot what I wanted. So I said, "Nothing, please."
The queen idiot, by her own admission has this to say:
ok, i will admit it...i'm the biggest idiot ever! i walk into walls and screen doors! i trip over my own feet and do lots of other idiotic stuff! i mean who else fails the idiot and moron tests with a 0 on both but me! but one of the most idiotic things ive ever done was get a gummi bear stuck up my nose! i was at an ice cream place with my friend and i thought it would be funny to stick a gummi bear up my nose! without even thinking about it i did! and it got stuck! i had to go to the hospital to get it removed! ooops! signed, the queen idiot idiot of all idiots, Kelli Kay
Here's one from the "Notorious Miss Lee" who inspired us so much with her tale of true idiotic behavior .. I think we might have to give her a special, truly stupid award .. Now kiddies .. please don't try this at home ....
I will start by telling you one of the littler things that I have done. A couple times in 8th grade, I have came to school with my shirt tucked into my underwear. Everyone noticed because that was the day i decided to wear my new shiny ones! AW! The stupidest thing that I have ever done was in 7th grade. my friend was over in the morning to get ride to school. My mom jokingly said,"Emily, back out the car." Well, I wanted to impress my friend, so i proceeded to do it. We went outside into the garage.(Through the opposite door that the car went through) We got n, and i started it up. I put it in reverse, but I had no idea whic one was the gas or the break. As I realized that the garage door was not open, I pushed as hard as i could on the "brake". Well, let me tell you this, the gas is the small one, and never start up a car unless the garage door is open, otherwise you will put a hole in it to match the one that we had in ours! Signed an idiot, Emily
Here's one from the "Old Cowboy". Yes, we agree he's an idiot. The bigger question is: Just how old do you think he *really* was when this happened?
While
taking a shower someone popped in with a camera. Quickly I covered my
eyes....hey for some reason I figured if I couldn't see them...they couldn't
see me....(I was 6 years old at the time....)
Here's Sean-Jason's Claim to the Idiot Hall of fame. This one came all the way from Prague, Czech Republic. We didn't know they made such good idiots in Europe. Wow! Any more of you out there?
You`re never going to beleive this one... I got up one morning to go to school and had found that all my underwear were in the laundry. So I took out a dirty pair and washed them by hand. I didn`t want to use the dryer, so I (now get this) put them in the microwave oven for two minutes to dry them! I went to the washroom, and when I came back the smoke alarm had gone off and my dad was putting out the fire with an amazed look on his face. When the fire was extinguished he pulled out the burned pair of underwear from the microwave and grounded me for two weeks....Now, each time I meet a new girl, he always tells them this story to prepare them for the future.
J This one is from Jared .. our new editor. Remember, if you don't like anything marked with the big red J, complain to Jared, not me. Info here.
Well, being your new editor, I know that I have a responsibility to give you new and fresh idiot jokes and stuff. Some idiots and stupid things happen spontaniously. And so, I've decided to fill you in about this idiot that did something stupid today... I was standing at my bus stop, waiting to be picked up by the bus (duh). So, the bus rolls up, and everything's normal. Well, you know how when the bus stops, it pushes out those little stop signs and flashes a lot. Anyway, everyone in their cars on both sides stop, or so it seems. This guy on the far side of the road, is obviously in a big hurry. Well, you know how people swerve in front of others in traffic to get ahead? So, this guy on the other side tries to swerve ahead of the guy in front of him, but unfortunately, he didn't know there was a ditch off to the side. So the guy swerves beside the car in front of him, and *SCREEE!!* *CRASH* he swerves right into the ditch!! I was close to laughing my head off, but I would have gotten beaten up earlier. I really do feel sorry for the guy, but people usually get what they deserve sooner or later.
Here's Juliet's Claim to the Idiot Hall of Fame
okay, after Christmas my sister said she didn't want our Christmas tree to die!! she said she would be back in in a little bit, she went out side and was out there for an hour or so. when she came back in we all went outside and saw our fake Christmas tree in the yard!!!! i thought it can't get much worse then my boyfriend came over!!! no.....................!!!!!!!!!!!
deck the halls with bowing morons, fa la la la la ...
Here's Jacinto's Claim to the Idiot Hall of Fame
I went to this disco and i met a girl. She was nothing special, but then again i wouldn't be such an idiot if she was. I decided to impress her with my idiotic dancing. So i start dancing in front of her, doing my moves, when i have a thought...if i jump and do the splits, she will think i'm a big hero. So i jump about 4 ft. in the air and i do the splits....well....I drew her attention to me...her's and everybody else while i was being carried out in a strecher to a hospital whith a rupture in my leg's muscle.... I didn't walk for a couple of days, and she ended up grabing another guy the rest of the party.
"Dirty Dancing ... the sequel ... made by idiots .... "
Here's Vinnie's Claim to the Idiot Hall of Fame
Ok.. here is why Im an iodioot.... !) I was at a party one time and a speaker fell on my face, gashing open my nose which enraged me, so I proceeded to punch the speaker and thus broke the CD player 2) I was sleeping in the top bunk of my bunk bed, and Then the alarm went off so I decided to reach for it and Then Fell out of my bed onto a mini-fridge, and Stood up, but then realized I was very dizzy and Fell down, waking up some time later and then turned off the alarm 3) I was riding my bike on a wet rainy day in the fall, and I Was going pretty fast without a helmet and I went around a corner when the tires lost traction and I jumped off my bike, and landed on my face, then I went to health center to get my face fixd and Didnt lock up my bike and when I came out the bike was stolen. want any more reasons... Because Id be truely honored to be in the iodiotts hall of fame!
OK Vinnie .. you convinced our judges with the first story ..
Here's Emily's Claim to the Idiot Hall of Fame
alrighty..this is pretty retarded... Me and my family were at this pretty nice italian resteraunt. I had felt really goofy earlier and had drawn two googly eyes over my bellybutton so it looked like eyes and a mouth. I had forgotten about it until we were looking for a table to sit at. Then I said to my sister, who is just a year younger than me "Hey, Look!" and pulled up my shirt, and I like moved my stomach so it looked like its mouth was moving. She started cracking up laughing--everybody in the resteraunt was looking at me! So then I was kinda embarrassed. So when we got our table, my sister told my brother what I had done. He of course thought this was funny and asked to see it. So I lifted up my shirt and showed him...and a table full of wide eyed policemen.
Bet you think we make up some of these stories. Bet you don't think that anymore ....
You thought these were bad, huh? Well, there are more idiots in the archives.
Enter the Idiots Contest Today!